Feeling

Where are you to make me smile? .. why cant you be here for me when im at my lowest, Why can’t you be here. When i talk to you i get happy inside, but i guess i just have to stay like this for a while. And when we do talk, we argue, because i won’t tell you why i’m so sad.. I shouldn’t be sad. Nothing bad happened, i’m physically fine, but i don’t know where to start. jealousy, one of my flaws. When i do get jealous, i get frustrated with myself like it’s my fault, and thats right, right? It is my fault, cos clearly if you’re talking to her, and not paying attention to me, then i did do something wrong. I’m not saying i deserve your full time attention , but i want to get the vibe that you’re mine. No one else’s. Even if we’re just “talking” or whatever. Feelings , maybe the first month i start “talking” to you, i catch real strong feelings for you.. I’m very sensitive, like , once i get hurt, then i have a nervous breakdown for a week, i get flustered, and glum,and angry all the time, at everyone. And i hate that because, i get an attitude with my mom and my friends, and they don’t deserve that. If i’m in a relationship with someone, i would want them to give in as much energy as i do. Not to put too much in effort in “keeping it together”, but just being laid back,straight chillin, and in love. I’ve always wanted a “perfect” relationship, but i’ve realized that shit doesn’t exist. I’m glad i’ve taught myself to be patient. But, if someone does come along soon, I hope they can teach me how to love, and get my emotions involved.. Love me the right way with gentle,caring love. Tender love. Good love, Real love. I don’t think i’ve ever experienced “real love” before.. And one day, i hope i do. Maybe with you.